


Ghosts

by Oneringtohallowsend



Series: Albion: Merlin's Kingdom [3]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hopeful Ending, M/M, These boys have mental health problems, especially merlin, there are consequences for living as long as he has
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 12:11:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16933029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oneringtohallowsend/pseuds/Oneringtohallowsend
Summary: "They had returned home to a ghost who lived in a cemetery masquerading as a village." This follows after the first installment in the story.





	Ghosts

**Author's Note:**

> So Third installment in this series and I still have the plot bunnies for this little universe! I still suck at dialogue so once again very little talking. I hope you enjoy!

The reunion of the day had been more difficult than he had ever imagined. His chaotic thoughts would not slow down which made him unable to think as flashbacks of that fateful day and all the failures he had ever made came to the forefront of his mind. These people, with his friends faces, were ghosts. Ghosts living in skin. Maybe they were all ghosts, including Merlin, that would explain why his body felt numb like he was wrapped in thick wool. No. They were his friends, he could feel their souls, and they had come home at last. They had returned home to a ghost who lived in a cemetery masquerading as a village.

He had welcomed them into his house and despite the many awkward silences the conversation continued… sometimes halting then flowing, like a rushing river, only to dry up again. Merlin wasn’t good at this anymore that part of him hadn’t made it from those Camelot days. Oh, how he used to talk about nonsense just to help ease the tensions in a room in hopes a smile would grace the face of his friends. He kept finding himself looking in on the reunion from the outside, as if he had left his body, and he was hovering like the specter he had always been. The only thought that broke through the chaos of joy, disbelief, sadness was one he hated himself for thinking. They had come back to him, sought him out, looked at him with love, and all he could think was I am going to lose them all again. Mya, bless her, seemed to always know when he was drifting and the darkness of his thoughts and age began drowning him. She would reach out, take his hand, meet his eyes, and smile. In her eyes he found a life raft amidst a tumultuous storm. In her eyes he saw all her kin who had come before, and he felt grounded once more in the here and now.

After hours of talking, reminiscing, and skating around the truly heavy topics they had called it a night. Mya had shown them to their rooms while apologizing for the mess and then magicking away the layers of dust and disuse. Merlin had retired to his own room like the coward he had always been. He waited an hour, then another, waiting to see if Mya would hover over him. She seemed to understand he needed space. After almost three hours of standing in his room staring at the door with his heart pounding in his chest, he steeled himself, and slipped from his room. He made sure to muffle his footsteps without even a conscious thought and within seconds he had reached the front door.  
The cool air was a chain breaking or a dam bursting and as he sucked in air, he realized that his lungs were burning. He sat down a few feet from his door, in the cold grass, allowing himself to recline back until he was staring up at the vast sky. The stars twinkled at him and he found comfort in knowing that many of those stars were already dead. Their souls snuffed out but still the distance meant they continued shining. The stars were ghosts too.

He didn’t know how long he laid there with his thoughts finally calm and his body relaxed. He was exhausted and yet his soul ached with a want he could not name. The soft click of his front door opening made him sigh softly. Mya. Here she comes to meddle.

Only its not Mya. Arthur was settling himself down beside him as if it wasn’t odd to find your long-lost friend laying on the cold ground in the middle of the night. Merlin allowed himself to glance over at the man he had given everything for and found that Arthur was not looking at him. No, he was looking at the stars like they too were long lost friends and he was happy to finally see them again.

“I didn’t always remember. The memories came slow, and then fast, then all at once. Over the course of years, I had another life living in my head. It felt foreign, but it also felt like it was the first time I had ever really been me,” Arthur’s voice is a balm to Merlin’s aching heart and his words a symphony to Merlin’s ears. Merlin swallowed heavily before returning his gaze to the sky. “Each new memory was a piece to a puzzle that I could not recall the image it was trying to make. I have those memories and I know I lived it once. That I felt the kiss of a blade, the slithering dread of betrayal, and the pride in a kingdom that no longer exists; but there are days when I don’t feel like I’m me or the man I was, and I am lost.”

The air settled quietly as the sounds of nature played a well-versed song.  
“It does exist though. Its different than it once was but it still stands. This village and its people are a testament to that.” Merlin’s voice cracks but he hopes Arthur understand his meaning.

“Then it is like me because I’m here, but I am different too.” It was an admission that eased a tightness in Merlin’s chest. He realized he was not the only one set adrift in an ocean of memory and time with little knowledge of how to cope. Arthur’s admission gave Merlin that sliver of confidence he needed to bridge the gap between them.  
“I tried to stay the same. I tried to never change but time is like water and I am like rock beneath its weight. I am not who I was though most days I don’t clearly remember the man I no longer am. Memory and time are funny like that.” Merlin’s voice was brittle and if his nose sounded slightly congested and his cheeks glinted with tear tracks neither of the men commented on it.

Merlin turned his head to look at Arthur and found that Arthur was looking back at him with a soft look in his eyes. Something resembling understanding floated between the two of them before they continued their stargazing. Finally, Merlin felt as if he could sleep, his thoughts had slowed, his heartbeat a soft melody, and a taste on his tongue of hope. As his eyes slid shut, he knew that for now their quiet confessions were enough and for the first time in a very long time Merlin did not feel like a ghost in his skin.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think!


End file.
